TEASING

Got a message on facebook from a mom asking for advice:

I need a parental advise. I have two kids. An almost 4y/o- girl and a 3.6 y/o boy. With my eldest, I’ve never much encountered this prob much as I can recall, but with my boy, I just did yesterday, twice – being called names, like “bakla” and “iyakin”. It brought back my being pikon when I was a child. And I realized, I wasn’t prepared for this. My father in-law made a joking remark as he was talking with my kid, “bakla ka raw?”. I instantly reacted, asking who said that, and I told him in a nice, but defensive way, “No, Papa, he’s just cautious”. That’s really his character. And he mistakes it as kabaklaan. grrrr…. And so I told my husband that he should tell papa to avoid saying those things to him… then, on the same day, my husband’s cousin teased my boy “iyakin!”, several times. Admittedly, my boy cries easily when pushed or hurt, what should I do? I believe, I should be prepared in such encounters, and I want to respond right, as well as prepare my kids of the real, tough world… I just don’t want to keep mum when anybody says negative words to my kids. hayyy…. help! 🙂

Sad to say, teasing has been accepted as part of our culture. I see many parents who just look the other way, or even join in, when their kids are being teased, not realizing the negative effects teasing can cause in their kids’ lives.

Here’s my reply:

Image and video hosting by TinyPicIt is hard to protect our kids from careless remarks, because we cannot control the people around our kids. But what you did was right. You stood up for your son. But there will be times when we won’t be there to protect him. The best thing you can do is to affirm him whenever you’re together. Our kids primarily get their security from their parents. Even if they are criticized, as long as they receive the affirmation they need from us, they will hold on to our words. Be generous with your positive words. Constantly tell him things like “you’re the man!” “you’re strong” “you’re a hero!” “you’re a blessing!”. You and your husband should make it a goal to build him up with words everyday. As early as now, teach him how to deal with criticism. Explain to him that there will always be people who will not like him. And what they say is not necessarily true. Remind him that he was wonderfully made by God and that God, dad and mom love him unconditionally. If he gets teased, first ask him if  there is any truth in it. “Are you really iyakin?” Cause if it’s true, then maybe he needs to make adjustments also. We can always learn from criticism, whether they’re true or not. If we respond in a healthy way to criticism, God can use that too to make us a better person. On the other hand, if the criticsim is totally untrue, tell him to reject it and to ignore it. And go the opposite spirit by blessing him. So if someone says “bakla” to him, tell him “you are gonna be a mighty man of God, like David who killed the giant Goliath”. Bless your kids everyday.

Proverbs 18:21
The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

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19 Replies to “TEASING”

  1. Jenn, you’re right.. Reject every word that is not from God! I don’t receive such words as a mom to my son as well…

  2. Totally agree Ms Jen. We have two boys,Daniel,5 and David,7 who often get nasty remarks from playmates, classmates and adult neighbors. Whenever our kids would recount their encounters to us, we embrace them tight, affirm them of who they are and quote bible verses(God’s promises like, David,you have a great destiny, surely goodness and mercy shall follow you all the days of your life…those are God’s promises for you). Then, their eyes would glow…their gloomy expression would turn to a radiant, calm and joyful face!They embrace us back so tight and would often say “Thank you mommy!” We are really thankful for our church and our parenting seminars…we have learned a lot in raising our kids.

  3. Great blog. I remember when you and P3 first talked about this in a seminar, it was then that I fully realized the weight of something as casual as teasing.

    The overarching principle I guess is that there is so much power in words spoken to kids, especially from people they look up to.

    Jenn, YOU are a hero and a blessing to parents like me and May! =)

  4. Pastor Dennis you got me there !!! I agree Jen !!! Recently a child of about 10 years old here in Canada, committed suicide because of peer pressure. I know another child somewhere maybe facing pressure too. Their life pressures are very real for them whatever they are. Let’s pray for children as they face pressures in life. May they experience God’s embrace always.

    1. mayi, oh wow…that’s sad…
      you are right. prayer is so important! i don’t know where we would be without God’s help

  5. aww, i can very much relate to this. i like making kwento of my little boy’s funny gestures to my officemates, but then they ended up teasing my little boy as “baka daw bakla”. they kept saying that over and over again until i couldn’t handle it anymore. i broke down and cried my heart out to my supervisor. i was very mad that these people had the nerve to put malice on my little boy’s innocent gestures (which I find cute that’s why i told them). hays…masakit pala pag ganun.

    1. oh honney, i can imagine how hurt you must have felt. it’s sad that other people don’t realize the impact their words can make

  6. Pretty nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed browsing your blog posts. In any case I’ll be subscribing to your feed and I hope you write again soon!

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