The Negative of Positive Parenting

Posted on Posted in Life Lessons

At a birthday party, I was able to talk to some moms, and as we talked about our children as we normally would, the idea of “Positive Parenting” came up. I am not very familiar with this concept, and after one mom explained to us, and after reading a few articles online, honestly, I am still  unclear on what this method really is (and I don’t even want to attempt to explain). All I understand is that the proponents of this method don’t believe that parents should be imposing consequences on their children, but should only let them suffer the natural consequences of their actions… which means, no to spanking or grounding or witholding of privileges. So if your child fails to obey your instruction to brush his teeth, you cannot give him a consequence for that, but wait until he develops cavities so he learns the importance of oral […]

constant supervision

Posted on 2 CommentsPosted in Parenting

It would have been a more pleasant time with my family at Starbucks had I not been constantly distracted by three children who were running around the place, going up and down the metal staircase and were talking so loudly as if they were the only ones there. I looked around the place to check where the parents were and saw that they were busy talking with several adults at their table. I understood that maybe they were enjoying this time of catching up with their friends but I wished that they just didn’t let their children make a playground out of Starbucks. Running and shouting are normal for young children but a coffee shop was not the right place for it. I don’t mean to sound judgmental because I, too,  have found myself  in a similar situation many times in the past, and I still do up to this […]

different types of crying

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I asked Joaquin to sit on a chair and stay there for a few minutes because he messed up his older brothers’ chess game. As he sat there, he started wailing as if someone hurt him really badly. I told him, “Joaquin, you have to stop crying now.” To this he answered, “But I’m a three-year old kid. I’m allowed to cry.” His comment made me pause and rethink the situation. Mothers are very well aware that there are different kinds of crying. And with every cry, our child is communicating something to us. There is a cry that says “I’m hungry or I need a diaper change.” And as your child gets older, his cry could say “I’m hurt. I got a boo-boo” or “I am frustrated”. And the crying that I normally deal with when it comes to Joaquin, it’s the whining type of crying, that says “I […]

show some respect

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I see a display of disrespect everywhere: from a toddler kicking his yaya, to a teenager shouting at her parents, and even to a man assaulting an MMDA officer. The Bible says in 1 Peter 2:17 to “Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king.” Every person is worthy of our respect, whether he is rich or poor, young or old, because God tells us to respect everyone. It is up to us parents to raise our children to be respectful of others. When they shout at your household helpers, or bang the door, or walk out when you are still talking, or roll their eyes at you, or raise their voice at you, what do you do? These are all disrespectful behavior and when we just stand by and let them do it, we are actually training them to be disrespectful. Tolerating […]

keeping your toddler still

Posted on 1 CommentPosted in Parenting

It is funny to see the different things parents do to try to control their children. One of the best places to observe this is at the pediatrician’s clinic, where the long wait really makes it so challenging for parents to keep their children behaved, myself included. While I was waiting for our turn,  I heard two different moms sitting on opposite sides of me threaten their child with ” If you don’t behave, you’ll get an injection.” Poor child. This only increases the trauma of doctors visits. And poor doctor too. Because now the child sees him as the person who inflicts punishment. Last weekend, our 3-year old Joaquin was a ringbearer at the wedding of two of our good friends. I anticipated that Joaquin will become restless sometime during the course of the ceremony and reception so I brought some toys with me. His toys kept him occupied […]

discipline is painful

Posted on 16 CommentsPosted in Parenting

We were already geared up to go to Toys ‘R Us, as anonymous child had been wanting to go there for weeks. He was clutching his wallet in his hands, and was looking forward to finally get that toy he’d been saving up for weeks. You know the look on your child’s face when he is about to open a birthday present? I was happy to see that look on his face. On our way, anonymous child said something that was disrespectful to me. It was hurtful to be spoken to by one of my children like that but I tried to convince myself that maybe i should just let this pass and not make a big deal out of it. I didn’t want to ruin our supposed “date” to the toy store. But there was the nagging part of me that just didn’t want this to slide. I knew […]

i’m the mommy devil

Posted on 17 CommentsPosted in Parenting

Yes, that’s me. I’m the mommy devil! I’ve been called many things before. But this one tops them all! When most of you might think that I am this great and wonderful mom, sometimes my very own child thinks otherwise. I know my kids love me and appreciate me and i love all the ‘YOU’RE THE BEST MOM IN THE WORLD!” notes that I get. But there are days when they don’t get their way or when they get disciplined and they think that i’m the worst mom ever. This note was drawn by my anonymous child several years ago after I grounded this child for doing something this child wasn’t supposed to do (this child wants to remain anonymous.) My initial reaction when I saw it was “Ouch!” which soon turned into amusement. I realized that as moms we have to be ready to be misunderstood to do what […]

in you before in them

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Coming home from a Parenting Seminar that we conducted last night, I was reminded of this one important biblical principle: Deut 6:9 MSG “Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children.” Can I just say that again? Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. I wish there was an easier way. I wish there was a shortcut. I wish that we could just read them the Word and they get it right away. But unfortunately, before teaching it to our kids, it has to be in us first. We cannot teach our kids to love their neighbor if they don’t see it in us. We cannot expect them to exercise gentleness, patience and self-control if we ourselves are not gentle, patient and self-controlled. If we do not love the Lord […]

moments i look for

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There are many reasons why we love homeschooling. Over the next few weeks and months, I will be talking to you about each one of them. But today, let me tell you what’s on top of my list. Homeschooling allows us more time to address the issues of our children’s hearts. Some of our children’s behavioral problems go unnoticed and are not dealt with simply because we are not there. But since our kids are home most of the time, and we are intereacting most of the day, I am able to spot character flaws and bad attitudes and can deal with them right away. Arguing, whining, complaining, fighting between siblings, sarcasm, temper tantrums, laziness, impatience, lack of respect for parents… these are only the external behavior that indicate what is inside their hearts. These behaviors are only the fruit of heart issues like selfishness, pride, ungratefulness. If Ryan gives […]

our little ones have preferences too

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When Joaquin turned two, his yaya (nanny) had to leave because she was due to give birth in a few months. I was anxious about Joaquin adjusting to the new one I hired. True enough, I saw how Joaquin acted rudely towards her. When she would just start to approach him, he would shout “Go away!” And when she would be close enough, Joaquin would slap her on the face. Something that Joaquin never really did to any of us. What do you do in a situation like this? While it was completely wrong for Joaquin to shout and hit a person like that, I understood why he did it. He simply didn’t like that person. Not because he’s just a baby means that he should like everyone instantly. Whether this concerns a house helper, or a tita, or a playmate, we need to respect their personal preferences too.  Shouting […]