Tag Archives: parenting

Aug 31 2011

parental controls

It happens to a lot of parents… they come home from work, check the history of their computer, and see dozens of websites listed that were not supposed to be visited. But their kids checked them out nonetheless, mainly because they were curious.

It is not unusual for our kids to hear a joke or a word from school or from TV and wonder what that means, so they go straight to the laptop and google it, then one website leads to another, and before they know it, they’re in sites that even adults shouldn’t be going to. Even innocent, unsuspecting kids who are not even searching for these websites can be misled or misdirected to p0rn sites.

In this internet age, everything is accessible to our kids. That’s why we need to be proactive and do what we can to protect them from dangers of the world wide web. If your child has unrestricted internet access, he can accidentally or deliberately view dirty websites. I once read that 7 out of 10 teenagers accidentally come across p0rn sites on the web.

Thankfully, there are parental controls, filtering or monitoring technology which block access to dangerous sites. If you are using a Mac, parental control is available in the System Preferences. Even iPads give you the option to limit your children’s access to the movies, music and applications they download. You can also opt to use an internet safe browswer, which I did, like BSecure, which automatically blocks prn sites. (PC’s might have something like this too like K9 Web Protection.) There are also softwares that can track the websites your computer visits and it alerts you if a p0rn site has been visited (x3watch.com).

Aside from teaching your child the boundaries of internet use, let us make use of the filtering and monitoring software available to help us protect our kids from internet dangers.

Aug 24 2011

stepping out of the way

Sometimes it seems the easiest thing to do is to give our child what he wants and make him happy. It is such a temptation to be the answer to our child’s wants and needs rather than teaching him to believe God for it or to work for it.

When our daughter, Janina, got her new puppy, Briggie, it wasn’t without faith, hardwork and tears.  When she first brought up the idea of getting a Maltese, we told her that she will have to use her own savings. Not only that, we wanted her to be the one to look for one that is affordably priced. Paolo and I thought that this would be good training for her. We would pray with her for the puppy but we expected her to do all the legwork necessary.


We saw Janina spending hours online and on the phone looking for a Maltese and comparing prices.  She learned what questions to ask the sellers and how to haggle for a lower price. There were nice, accommodating people and rude to very rude people, and she learned to deal with all kinds. One night, after weeks of doing that, she was in tears because she couldn’t find one that fit her budget. It was at this point when Paolo and I almost gave in, and thought of just raising the money ourselves to help out our little girl. But somehow a voice inside us told us to step out of the way and teach Janina to wait on God and believe Him for His provision. Janina was already getting impatient and desperate, yet God commanded us to stay away from the situation. That is not always easy for us parents especially when we see our child distraught and discouraged.  We realized that this was as much a lesson for us as parents as it was for Janina.

A few days after that incident, Janina auditioned for the musical “Sound of Music.” Thank God for His favor, Janina made it! With the money that she will earn, she could finally buy the Maltese she’s been wanting and be able to pay even for the dog’s food for life :D . No wonder God told us to step out of the way–He has already set His plan in motion!

I think about that and wonder what would have happened if we took matters into our hands and made things happen for Janina. Then Janina would have missed out on experiencing first hand the faithfulness of her Heavenly Father as her provider. And we as parents would have missed God’s assurance for us that He will take care of our children.

I realize that sometimes our goal for our children is so short-term. They want something, we give it to them. They’re happy. End of story. But God is not just concerned about our children getting what they want and making them happy.  He wants our children to get to know Him better and to grow in their faith as they wait upon Him. He wants a relationship with our children.

“Oh how great is the love the Father has lavished on us!”

Aug 9 2011

the ability to understand

Think about this for a moment… What would you say if your son comes home one day and says he feels bad for losing the student council elections? Or if your daughter says that one of her classmates don’t like her?

I bet you would tell him “That’s ok. There’s always next time.” And you would have told her “You really can’t please everyone. There will always be people who will not like you.”

How we respond to our kids when they open up to us is crucial if we want them to keep that openness. Oftentimes I find myself giving “pat on the back” answers like “It’s gonna be okay” or sounding preachy and saying statements like “You know you should just forgive.” What I’ve realized over the years is, though there will be a time and a need for answers like that, what our kids initially need is our empathy. They need to know that we are not too old or too distant to understand what they are going through. They need to know that we can understand what they are feeling. They need to know that they can vent out their feelings to us without being judged or being preached to. I guess that’s why there is a “communication gap” between parents and children… when both parties fail to make the effort to understand each other.

We need to make sure our kids feel relief and comfort when they open up to us, not guilt or condemnation or frustration. And so whenever they share things to me about their day,  I try to ask them first “How does that make you feel?” or say “I know how you feel.” And I also try to remember similar experiences from my past and relate to them how I handled the situation. By doing this, we connect with them on an emotional level and show them that we do understand what they are going through. That’s really the main reason why they vent out in the first place… to know that there’s someone who understands.

Aug 3 2011

be a student of your child

When I graduated from college, I was glad to be done with books and research and studying. But four years after, when I was pregnant with our first child, I found myself devouring books again, but this time with excitement and eagerness. I found myself, yet again, being a student… a student of my children.

For the first time last week, I played NBA on the PS3. I stayed away from it all these years because the buttons just looked so complicated. But my son Ryan persisted, and I found myself enjoying the game with him.

The older my children get, the more I realize I need to spend time to know them and to know about them. Not only do I need to study how they develop physiologically, but I need to understand their temperaments and their individual preferences. I need to learn what motivates them and what discourages them. I need to learn to play the games they play and sing the songs they sing. I need to get help from other parents who can help me train and discipline my children.

I wished they had Motherhood 101 in college. I didn’t realize that I had so much more to learn until I became a mom. I am glad that there are so many resources available to us now… books, blogs, parenting seminars… they are easily accessible. And spend a lot, lot, lot of time with our kids so we can discover the person they are and are becoming. If we want to be effective in what we do, we should never stop learning and getting to know our kids.

Jul 25 2011

sibling jealousy

I got a text from a friend who just gave birth and was asking me for advice on sibling jealousy. This brings me back 12 years ago. I distinctly remember the scene at the hospital. I just gave birth to our second child, Janina, and Nathan came to visit her for the first time. I purposedly positioned Janina down on the bed so when Nathan came in the room, he would have access to me or to the baby, wherever he wanted to go to first. After giving me a tight hug, he immediately went on the hospital bed to take a closer look at his baby sister.  His face was beaming, he was all smiles, he was a proud kuya (big brother!) That was the start of a wonderful brother-sister relationship which holds until today!

Nathan and janinaNathan was an only child for three and a half years until I gave birth to Janina. He was our firstborn, and he was the first grandchild on both sides, thus he was used to our undivided attention, and we knew we had to thoroughly prepare him for the arrival of his sister. I’ve heard stories when the older child became aggressive towards the baby, or on the other extreme, became withdrawn from everyone, because of jealousy. We were determined to make sure this didn’t happen.

Different kids react differently to a new sibling. Most will be excited. They require little preparation. They’re instantly the ideal kuya or ate. But some kids on the other hand, require more preparation. They don’t instantly bond with their baby brother or sister. Some feel a resentment towards the new baby. A few blogs ago, I wrote about how preparation can be a key to a lot of our children’s successes. Here are a few ideas to make the transition easier.

Once you know you’re pregnant, refrain from statements like “you’re not my baby anymore.” You need to constantly assure your kids that your love for them will not change even with the coming of the baby. You also need to stop people who tease them about this.

Show him pictures of your developing baby week by week or month by month. You can buy a book or look for pictures on the internet. Explain how your baby is growing.

You can buy a doll to practice having a baby around. You can use it as a tool to teach your other kids how to be gentle with babies- no eye poking, no fingers in ears, mouth, how they need to be quiet when the baby is sleeping, etc.

You can pull out the pictures of your older child from right after he was born, and talk about how excited you were to have him in the family. Tell them stories about how cute he was, what he did when he was very small, how he cried, how he slept.

Take siblngs shopping for stuff for the baby. Let them pick out clothes, blankets, toys. Bring them to your doctor’s appointments.

Organize a playgroup for your older child before baby’s born so he feels he has his own group.

You can make a “big brother/sister” or “I’m a kuya or ate” shirt with your older kids.

Take the older child out for a special date for just the two of you or a special day of fun just before the baby is  born.

Get them a gift from the baby when the baby is born . If the baby arrives and immediately has a present for the older sibling it might help turn a positive swing on it.

When you first see the other kids after giving birth, when they come to visit you in the hospital, don’t hold the baby so you can give them a hug first. Leave the baby in the bassinet so they could run over and jump in the bed to see you and spend a few minutes with you and then introduce them to the baby.

When your friends and relatives come to visit, tell them to say hi to your other children first before the baby.

When your older child asks for your attention, never say that you can’t because the baby needs you. Whenever you can, try to accommodate the older child first. If you can delegate other things to the yaya like changing the diaper or burping, do so, so you have time for the other kids.

Ask help from your older child when you’re giving the baby a bath or changing diapers. When you’re breastfeeding, don’t exclude your older child. You can ask him to sit beside you and watch a video together as you feed your baby.

Do not make other changes like potty training or moving to another bed. Do these changes before the baby is born or a few months after he has adjusted to having the baby at home.

The arrival of your new baby should be a wonderful time for everyone. And with effort and some creativity, it will be!

Jul 18 2011

moments i look for

There are many reasons why we love homeschooling. Over the next few weeks and months, I will be talking to you about each one of them. But today, let me tell you what’s on top of my list.

Homeschooling allows us more time to address the issues of our children’s hearts.

Ryan's sorry note

Some of our children’s behavioral problems go unnoticed and are not dealt with simply because we are not there. But since our kids are home most of the time, and we are intereacting most of the day, I am able to spot character flaws and bad attitudes and can deal with them right away.

Arguing, whining, complaining, fighting between siblings, sarcasm, temper tantrums, laziness, impatience, lack of respect for parents… these are only the external behavior that indicate what is inside their hearts. These behaviors are only the fruit of heart issues like selfishness, pride, ungratefulness. If Ryan gives me a snide remark during class, I have no problem dropping my curriculum so I can deal with his sarcasm.  I am on the lookout for moments like these, when I can go beyond math and science, and address their heart.

It is never easy when I’d have to deal with my children’s wrong attitudes. It can be physically tiring and emotionally draining. And when it gets messy, those are the times I start questioning our decision to homeschool. Thoughts like “My life would be so much easier if they were in a regular school” enter my mind. But when I get back to my senses, I realize that this is precisely why we chose to homeschool – so we can have an upperhand on developing their character.

To educate our children means to form their minds and shape their hearts. Too often we get caught up with the academic side of it. To me that is the easier part. Whether our children are in homeschool or regular school, we as parents, with God’s grace and wisdom, need to work hard at shaping their hearts.

Jul 18 2011

moments i look for

There are many reasons why we love homeschooling. Over the next few weeks and months, I will be talking to you about each one of them. But today, let me tell you what’s on top of my list.

Homeschooling allows us more time to address the issues of our children’s hearts.

Ryan's sorry note

Some of our children’s behavioral problems go unnoticed and are not dealt with simply because we are not there. But since our kids are home most of the time, and we are intereacting most of the day, I am able to spot character flaws and bad attitudes and can deal with them right away.

Arguing, whining, complaining, fighting between siblings, sarcasm, temper tantrums, laziness, impatience, lack of respect for parents… these are only the external behavior that indicate what is inside their hearts. These behaviors are only the fruit of heart issues like selfishness, pride, ungratefulness. If Ryan gives me a snide remark during class, I have no problem dropping my curriculum so I can deal with his sarcasm.  I am on the lookout for moments like these, when I can go beyond math and science, and address their heart.

It is never easy when I’d have to deal with my children’s wrong attitudes. It can be physically tiring and emotionally draining. And when it gets messy, those are the times I start questioning our decision to homeschool. Thoughts like “My life would be so much easier if they were in a regular school” enter my mind. But when I get back to my senses, I realize that this is precisely why we chose to homeschool – so we can have an upperhand on developing their character.

To educate our children means to form their minds and shape their hearts. Too often we get caught up with the academic side of it. To me that is the easier part. Whether our children are in homeschool or regular school, we as parents, with God’s grace and wisdom, need to work hard at shaping their hearts.

Jul 11 2011

OUR LITTLE ONES HAVE PREFERENCES TOO

PhotobucketWhen Joaquin turned two, his yaya (nanny) had to leave because she was due to give birth in a few months. I was anxious about Joaquin adjusting to the new one I hired. True enough, I saw how Joaquin acted rudely towards her. When she would just start to approach him, he would shout “Go away!” And when she would be close enough, Joaquin would slap her on the face. Something that Joaquin never really did to any of us.

What do you do in a situation like this?

While it was completely wrong for Joaquin to shout and hit a person like that, I understood why he did it. He simply didn’t like that person. Not because he’s just a baby means that he should like everyone instantly. Whether this concerns a house helper, or a tita, or a playmate, we need to respect their personal preferences too.  Shouting and hitting is their way to express what they cannot verbally articulate yet…that they just dont want to be forced to be held or even be near someone they don’t like.

So two things I did. First, I disciplined him for shouting and hitting. I didn’t want him to think that it was okay  to hurt someone that he didn’t like, because rudeness is an unacceptable behavior. Second, I looked for another yaya. I showed him I respected his feelings by not forcing anyone on him that he wasn’t comfortable with. Thank God it didn’t take me that long to find the yaya whom he openly welcomed!

Just as we as adults have preferences in terms of people we spend time with or allow to come close to us, young children do too. And we need to respect that.

Jul 11 2011

our little ones have preferences too

PhotobucketWhen Joaquin turned two, his yaya (nanny) had to leave because she was due to give birth in a few months. I was anxious about Joaquin adjusting to the new one I hired. True enough, I saw how Joaquin acted rudely towards her. When she would just start to approach him, he would shout “Go away!” And when she would be close enough, Joaquin would slap her on the face. Something that Joaquin never really did to any of us.

What do you do in a situation like this?

While it was completely wrong for Joaquin to shout and hit a person like that, I understood why he did it. He simply didn’t like that person. Not because he’s just a baby means that he should like everyone instantly. Whether this concerns a house helper, or a tita, or a playmate, we need to respect their personal preferences too.  Shouting and hitting is their way to express what they cannot verbally articulate yet…that they just dont want to be forced to be held or even be near someone they don’t like.

So two things I did. First, I disciplined him for shouting and hitting. I didn’t want him to think that it was okay  to hurt someone that he didn’t like, because rudeness is an unacceptable behavior. Second, I looked for another yaya. I showed him I respected his feelings by not forcing anyone on him that he wasn’t comfortable with. Thank God it didn’t take me that long to find the yaya whom he openly welcomed!

Just as we as adults have preferences in terms of people we spend time with or allow to come close to us, young children do too. And we need to respect that.

Jun 13 2011

goodbye summer, hello homeschool

I love summer! I love vacation. I love going out of town. I love late nights and sleeping in. I love not having an agenda for the day but just to laze around with my kids. But these things have come to an end. At least for now. Goodbye summer.

Hello homeschool. It’s been a while since we last homeschooled. 3 years to be exact. But now, we find ourselves again in this season where Paolo and I feel that the kids have to be taught at home by us, mostly me. I’m nervous, yet excited. There are a lot of adjustments to be made, but it seems that all of us are up to the challenge. We’ll see. :)

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