Jul 1 2010

DO WE PASS THE TEST?

Yesterday, some of you might have read on my Facebook status that I have written “So many things went wrong today, but still, God is good.” Top of the list was Ryan accidentally spilled water on their laptop. We immediately brought it to a Powermac service center, and found out that to have everything repaired will cost us more than P60,000! How ridiculous is that! But that’s not my point today

Things like these will test our character, our values and our priorities. Here is my husband’s insightful blog about the whole incident.

Jun 28 2010

DISCIPLINE IS MORE THAN PUNISHMENT

I got this note from my daughter yesterday after we had a “little” confrontation. After I read it, I told her I forgive her and gave her a hug.

After a time of discipline, it is our joy to see our kids repent and ask for forgiveness for the wrong that they have done. Discipline is more than punishment or giving consequences. If after you have grounded your child, or given him a spanking, and yet he remains hard-hearted, and there is no change in him, then it just means you are not done with discipline yet. What we want to see happen is for our kids to acknowledge what they have done and repent from it. We want a change of heart which restores them back to a right relationship with us and with God.

Jun 28 2010

DISCIPLINE IS MORE THAN PUNISHMENT

Jun 24 2010

BE DELIBERATE

Deuteronomy 6: 6-9 Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night. Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder; inscribe them on the doorposts of your homes and on your city gates.

God wants us to deliberately and aggressively teach our children His commandments. He wants us, the parents, to do it, not the school, not the media, not the church. He wants us to do it wherever we are, whatever time of day. That means while eating breakfast, we prepare them for school with the word of God. Or while driving along the road, and we see an inappropriate billboard, we tell them how God wants us to dress. While watching a movie and there is an “adult scene” we ask them to close their eyes as we explain God’s standard for purity. When they are disappointed, we teach them that we always have hope. When we give them their allowance, we teach them what godly stewardship is. When they are fighting over a toy, we explain how God wants us to treat one another. When they are offended by a friend, we teach them forgiveness. Over dinner, we always thank God for the blessings of the day because every good and perfect gift comes from above.

Let us not wait for the opportunity to come. We need to create the opportunity to teach them. Every moment can be a teachable moment. Let’s be deliberate.

Jun 16 2010

MY FAVORITE CHILD

Once in a while, somebody asks me “Who is your favorite among your 4 children?” And why not? Everybody has a favorite drink, favorite movie, favorite brand. So why, not a favorite child? Maybe the most obedient, or the most good-looking, or the smartest, or the most affectionate one?

I have seen how favoritism can tear a family apart. Probably not physically, but emotionally, yes. Favoritism for one child results in rejection for another. Favoritism passes on wrong mindsets to the children. It teaches the favored child that he can have everything he wants and that he can get away with anything he does, whether it’s right or wrong. It teaches the un-favored one that he is not good enough, that he needs to be a certain way, needs to accomplish certain things before he gets accepted. It destroys the relationship among siblings. It causes rivalry and alienation that can even be passed on to the next generation.

This afternoon, I asked Ryan “Do you feel that I love Joaquin more than you? Or your ate? Or kuya?” And he answers “no”. Every now and then, I would ask Nathan and Janina the same question too. And they would always answer a no. It is always good to keep ourselves in check. Paolo and I make a conscious effort to make sure each of our kids feel that they are favored equally.

So who is my favorite child? They’re all my favorites. Nathan is my favorite firstborn. Janina is my favorite daughter. Ryan is my favorite middle son. And Joaquin is my favorite bunso. I admit that sometimes I struggle with giving all my children equal treatment. There are days I prefer one child over the other, just because he has been behaving better and not giving me a hard time. There are days when one child is more affectionate than the others and I tend to show more affection to that child too. But at the end of the day, we love them all equally. God has given us the eyes to see that each of our children is special in his or her own way. Each one is gifted, each one has a great destiny. Each one is a blessing to us. And we are grateful that God has given us each one of them.

Ps 127: 3 Sons (and daughters) are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him.

May 3 2010

WINDOW OF TIME

I read this verse this morning and it reminded me that life is short.

^{Psalm 90: 12} Teach us to realize the brevity of life,
so that we may grow in wisdom.

Our time with our children is limited. Our baby Joaquin is still very dependent on us but it is only a matter of time that he will feed and dress himself. I like it that our 11-year old daughter still consults me on what shoes she should wear with the shirt she’s wearing, but our 14-year old almost never asks for my help. Our 6-year old is at that stage when he is realizing that dad and mom are not perfect and that not they are not always right. I remember when they were much younger and they took everything we told them as the absolutes, when “because mommy said so” was enough to end an argument.

The reality is, we only have a window of time to mold our kids’ hearts and minds. Like clay that gets hard after a period of time, our kids’ hearts are only moldable for a while, and after that, they would have formed their values and belief system that will stick with them for life.

Lord, help me to maximize my time with my children. May I enjoy everyday, every season with them and always be reminded that it is a privilege to be a mother to these kids. Help me grow in wisdom so I might make the most out of every opportunity I have with them. I pray that I will be able to mold them and train them up in Your ways, so that when they are old, they will not depart from them. In Jesus name..

Apr 29 2010

life skills: giving

My husband likes to read financial books and websites. He likes consulting with financial gurus. In our home, he’s the one who handles the budget, because he’s simply better at it. Year after year, we have made adjustments in our budgeting and I believe we are better at it now compared to when we first started.

We have learned a lot about saving, investing and living below our means from all the financial advice we’ve heard. But there is one principle that we’ve both learned from our parents that is not normally mentioned in “How to Get Rich” articles.

It is found in Proverbs 11:24 One man gives freely, yet gains even more; another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty.

We want to raise our children to be generous. We want them to give freely when there is a need, or even when there is none, but just so they can be a blessing to others. I remember years ago, on a plane to the US, Janina wrote a card to the pilot and put a dollar bill in it from her allowance, saying that the pilot has been working hard to bring us all safely to the States. I also remember a time when we were in the car, and Ryan saw a street child without slippers, and he removed his slippers to give them to the boy. Nathan, too, many years ago, decided to give his Play Station to a friend. During the typhoon Ondoy, they all cleaned out their closets to give clothes to the flood victims. There are times when it’s effortless for them to give, there are times too when they withhold and need a little prodding from us.

A few months ago, our kids decided to pool their savings and sponsor a feeding program of the Real Life Foundation. We scheduled it last Saturday at the Real Life Center in Pasig with our family and friends who volunteered to help.

Giving is an exercise of the heart. Not only will our kids learn to love people more, but their faith will be strengthened as they see God providing for their needs and beyond.

Luke 6:38

“Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

Apr 28 2010

why our kids misbehave (part 2)

If you haven’t read part 1, click here.

The 2nd point I wanted to comment on from the video presentation was this:

Punishment and rewards are the biggest time-wasters and the least effective ways to get any child to really listen and respect you.

On the contrary, I think it is very dangerous not to let our kids experience the consequences of their actions because it is not like that in the real world.

Again, there are many new parenting methods that come out every year, and in the 14 years of parenting experience I’ve had, I still see that the old, time and tested ways of the Bible is what works the best.

Eph 6: 1-3 says “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

The Bible often talks about promises that accompany those who obey God’s commandments. God rewards His obedient children.

On the other hand, the Bible is clear too about the place of discipline and punishment whenever there is disobedience.

Heb 6: 6 says “because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.”

Proverbs 13: 24 says “He who spares the rod hates his son but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.”

An important principle our kids should learn at an early age is that there are always consequences to our decisions and actions. That’s just how it is. Everything we do has a consequence. If my toddler keeps on insisting to touch the stove, I will swat his hand, rather than let his hand be burned. If he associates the swatting with the touching of the stove, he will eventually learn that he is not supposed to touch the stove. I would rather be the one to inflict the pain, than see his hand burned, which is far more painful than my swat. If I ask my teenager to clean his room, and he does it without hesitation, I might take him out for coffee or ice cream to reinforce his behavior. Punishment and rewards are great teachers. Not only for a child, but even for an adult. When we allow our kids to suffer or enjoy the consequences of their actions, it is not because we want to manipulate them to do what we want, but it is because we want to equip them to make the right decisions in the future.

Ultimately our goal is for our kids to honor God, obey Him and please Him in everything they do because they love Him. Not because they are afraid of God’s judgment or because they are just after God’s rewards. We also want them to obey us, their parents, out of their love for us, not out of fear or so we will give them what they want. Punishment and rewards, among other things, if used properly and with balance, can help us achieve this.

Hebrews 12: 11 “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”

Apr 26 2010

ACCEPTING AUTISM

I had a lengthy talk today with a mom who had a child diagnosed with autism. I was so amazed at how this friend of mine talked so openly about her son’s condition, with neither shame nor anger. Her son was diagnosed with autism before he turned 2. Since then, it’s been a life of research, attending conferences and therapies for her son. After 6 years, her son has shown a lot of improvement and is very functional.

I asked her what single, most important advice would she give to other parents who are going through the same thing. She said it in one word: Acceptance. Unless a parent accepts that her child has autism, he really will not take the necessary steps to deal with it. And with autism, the earlier you intervene, the higher chances for improvement. That is why acceptance is key.

According to her, it is not hard to identify the signs. Usually, an autistic child does not socialize with others. He prefers to be by himself and does not establish eye contact. He doesn’t like to be in loud, crowded places like parties or malls. He likes to line up things like blocks, or toy cars or anything he can get his hands on. And he has language delay. If you see these signs in your child, it is best to have him checked right away.

Psalm 127:3 says that “Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him.”

I honor this friend of mine, because inspite of her son’s condition, she sees him as a reward, a blessing. A child’s value is not based on how he looks, or how smart he is or what he can do. It is based on who he is, and every child is a child of our Heavenly Father.

That makes every child special.

Apr 23 2010

GUARDING YOUR EYES

We were at a convenience store the other day with the kids. While I was getting the stuff I needed, I noticed Ryan standing by the magazine rack and he looked like he was shuffling and rearranging the magazines that were neatly stacked in rows. I gave him that glaring “what-are-you-doing!-leave-those-stuff-alone” look while walking quickly to where he was. As I was getting closer, I realized what he was doing. He was turning the magazines the other way, but not all the magazines, only those that had skimpily-clad women on the cover. He told me “It is not good for people to see these.”

I felt so proud of my little boy. At 6 years old, he understood what it meant to “guard your eyes.” One of the biggest challenges we parents face these days is how to protect our kids from images that can mar their innocence and purity. Whereas years ago, you would need to go to “adult stores” to see explicit material, now you just need to drive down our highways and there they are, left and right, and a million times magnified before our very eyes. It is sad that we’ve had to ask our kids many times to cover their eyes and turn away while in the car on the road because of those graphic, uncensored billboards that are supposed to advertise clothing brands, yet their models are hardly wearing any.

Our kids’ tiny minds will almost immediately soak up images they see, whether good or bad. We need to teach them to guard their eyes. They need to know when to look away, or flip the channel, or close a window in their computer. And we need to train them early. Or media will train them otherwise.

some kind of mom-sense

jennpunzalan

Tag Archives: parents

DO WE PASS THE TEST?

DISCIPLINE IS MORE THAN PUNISHMENT

DISCIPLINE IS MORE THAN PUNISHMENT

BE DELIBERATE

MY FAVORITE CHILD

WINDOW OF TIME

life skills: giving

why our kids misbehave (part 2)

ACCEPTING AUTISM

GUARDING YOUR EYES

Job 31:1 “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman.”